Entries from December 2009 ↓

b-boy comes through, and although it’s not great, it’s enough to pull me out of this slump. again. he was late & drunk & didn’t even make me come, but he wanted to be here with me and was so into what i was doing, it was okay.

me: “is this ok?”
him: “this is great . there’s these other girls –you could teach workshops.”

ok, ignoring the ‘other girls’ thing –because really, who wants to know — i’m focused on the ‘i’m good at it’ part and i’m happy again.

he almost even entered me. but he came on my ass, the way he likes, and then he fell asleep. on top of me. i finally wriggled out to the side, and we slept there next to each other. first time since the first time that he’s slept over. he claims he didn’t sleep well, but he snores and I can tell you, he slept.

i didn’t mind it a bit.

i don’t hear from b-boy for, like, weeks on end. i’m in the sloughs of despond over ex-boy and i can’t even get laid.

where did we leave off? ex-boy arrives, fucks me, then tells me about the new girl he’s dating. wtf. not that i wouldn’t have fucked him anyway, i probably would have, but it should have been my choice. i spend the entire long weekend miserable. he’s fine in the morning until the west coast wakes up, then he’s insufferable until bedtime, when he wants to have sex again. fml.

somewhere during or after that weekend i realized it’s long past time to end this. maybe everyone else on earth already knew that, but really, my feelings only need to get hurt a couple of dozen times before I sort that out.

and i spend the next few weeks completely miserable. do we really need to hear about that?

fml. seriously.

can’t talk about it now