Entries from May 2010 ↓

New barriers broken today: I had an actual date with b-boy, it was in the daytime, and we went to his place. I had a spare ticket to an event and I knew it was something that would interest him, so I took a deep breath and invited him. He accepted and was good company. He invited me back to his place (side note: omg he has roommates, I haven’t lived with someone other than a lover since 1988). He had to do laundry at the place across the street, so we were on a timer (side note: timer is kind of fun). I found a new favorite position — him standing, me sitting, perfect height for his dick in my mouth plus gives him lots of control over the action. He repeated the “you should teach seminars on this” comment which I have to say just makes me happy. It was a good day.

The other night I dreamt that I was taking care of someone’s baby, probably about a year old. She was crying and I started talking to her like I do with babies, like they’re sane and sentient. And then she answered – in full sentences. Still sort of like you’d imagine a baby would talk, but fully conversational.

Last night I dreamt that b-boy texted me and asked if I was on foursquare, wanted to confirm it was my usual login (which I don’t think he actually knows). Had to check my phone when I woke up to be sure it was a dream.

May 22 and I didn’t cry. I knew what day it was, and I’ve spent some of the usual time thinking about S. and letting my heart break just a little again, but I didn’t cry. I wanted to post a tribute on my Facebook — so many high school friends are there now — but May 22’s the day he died and that’s not the day I want to remember. May 21, even worse. Can’t begin to imagine what that longest day was like, for him, for his mom.

I’ll post something on his birthday in two weeks, maybe that will seem more fitting.