Entries from January 2011 ↓

I went by the wineshop for the express purpose of running into E. I have to say, after years with ex-boy being ashamed of me in public, especially his family, it is so nice to have a boy light up when I walk in and give me a giant hug. Truly. He apologized, saying he’d hoped to get together this weekend, but he’s been sick. Bonus, though, made a date for next weekend. Now that’ll help me get over my little tourist! And E. has a big heart, this may not be love but it is warm and genuine and won’t feel like just trashy sex. Bad Annie’s a happy girl again.

Sweet boy has gone home to Paris, and I am bereft. Of course I know we have no future — for gods sake, he’s 24 — but… but… there is something to this. He touched me in a way I didn’t know I wanted, or had forgotten. He’s made me want love, truly want it, for real. He talked about love — love! — on our first date, and spoke of it often, in a natural way, of common discourse. I’ve never. My relationships have all been at arm’s length compared to this.

So thank you, dear L., for releasing my heart. It may get broken, but at least it won’t be frozen.

Je t’aime.

How did I luck into this? G. takes me out, buys me dinner, drinks, fucks me, sets the alarm for whatever time I ask, fucks me again upon waking, is a perfect gentleman, walks me out to get a cab in the morning. All this, and a giant cock. BadAnnie = Happy. I occasionally wander into a fantasy where I become the girlfriend but honestly, why would I ruin such perfect arrangement?

I didn’t hear from the French boy-child for several days, thought he was somehow angry or distracted by a young girl, but it turns out he was just having phone problems. He leaves on Wednesday but has made plans with me for dinner on Tuesday. I’m touched he wants to spend his last night in NYC with me. Sweet boy.

Agreed to see K. today, went to brunch and movies. I really wanted to keep it an early night, first day back at work tomorrow and all, and told him so, but he insisted on coming back to my place anyway (he wanted to finish fixing the cabinet etc.), and then kind of got mad I didn’t want to sleep with him. Fuck that. Buh-bye.

no one said it would be ok

Let’s not forget that I was all alone tonight. Not single one of my friends, or the men I’ve been dating, called or texted to say happy new year. And as much I’d as I’d like to say that doesn’t matter, it does.