Entries from June 2011 ↓

Spent the night with G. I wasn’t sure he’d remember our date, but he did, texted me early in the day to say how much he was looking forward to it. We had a nice date — a drink at his place, dinner at an outdoor cafe down the block, beautiful night, took a stroll along the river, back to his place…. about a bottle apiece but perhaps too much, he had trouble staying hard. Woke up with a beautiful hard-on, though, nice sex though I’m not sure he came, seemed like a mini ejaculation at best. Anyway, very sweet to see him, and I do love the feel of that giant cock in my hand (and my yoni). But…. he’s older and privileged and walks through the world like a master of the universe. I find that a little attractive, but not as much as many do. Even here, alas, I feel we may be winding down. The beautiful boy may not have a future, but he’s ruining me for other men.

“the sluttiest nice girl you’ll ever meet”

I am more than a little in love with the beautiful boy. I do understand that there’s no future here but — like the French boy earlier — he has helped me clarify what I want. I want him, just a decade or two older. In the meantime, I’m dropping the others. Spent Saturday with J2 and not sure if he realizes it, but it was our last. I can’t do it any more. I’ll break it off with Tex, too, either actively or passively by being unavailable. G. might not even notice. Seriously, I’d rather give them all up to focus on the beautiful boy, even knowing that he might end it the moment I confess my real age. Which, by the way, I’m going to do this week before I go traveling. It’ll give him some time to figure out if he wants to continue it or not. So I might come back to zero boyfriends, and I’m okay with that. I have loved all this attention, but it’s time to focus.

I want love. I want love. I want love.

I’ve got to stop fucking so many men. The laundry alone is killing me.

I don’t know what possessed me but I went looking online for information about Beautiful Boy’s dad. I knew he’d died a few years ago, and I knew his profession and that he was semi-famous within it, and I knew his name because it’s tattoed on BB’s forearm.

His dad was only eight years older than me. Jesus, this is so wrong.

Turns out Tex just wanted to see me – no agenda, or none he put forth anyway. Still trying to figure out if I need to get out of this. I had a fleeting thought to break up with him last night, but the sad truth is, I lost my keys and knew I wouldn’t be able to get into my apartment until the morning when my super arrived, so I let it go. Really? it’s come to that?

Beautiful Boy emailed to say he wasn’t feeling well and needed to reschedule. Totally fine, of course, except I’d decided I didn’t have any clothes cool enough to go on another date with him, so I went shopping. Now what do I do? I refused a second date with Tex because we had plans. Now I’m all dressed up with nowhere to go. Guess I’ll go to the usual bar, even if it feels a bit sad alone.

Still haven’t heard from G. I’d kind of kept Thursday open in case he got in touch, but now I have plans with Beautiful Boy, late, and Tex offered to get me into the show as VIP. Choices, I suppose, but they don’t feel right.

My Tantric sex instructor said she liked me, I was fun.

yep. for those of you counting, that’s 3 dates already lined up for this week. ballet on weds, so it’s a full week already.

Tex texted to make plans for tomorrow, but there’s something oddly formal about his wording. Sounds like he wants to ‘talk.’ Fuck I hate talking.

Beautiful boy emailed to make plans for later this week. Guess he doesn’t scare that easily.