Entries from June 2011 ↓

I bought this lavendar shirt dress at the place I had my suit made. It’s lovely but a little preppy, and I decided when I bought it that it would be perfect to wear on a date with G. But then I didn’t hear from him and I haven’t been able to bring myself to wear the dress; I really wanted that to be the first time. Now I get to wear the dress.

I saw the beautiful boy again on Sunday. Drank a little too much, ate nothing at all, silly. Back in the sex den, I may have wore him out. I fucked him like I was in love with him — which, for a moment, I sort of was. Haven’t heard from him since. Bet I scared him off. Still glad I went for it, though; better to find out now if he can’t keep up.

I sent G. a text today asking if he wants to get together next week. I’m tired of waiting around to see if he’s going to reach out again. It’s okay if he’s done, I just want to hear it so I can move on. And if he’s not, well, I’d like to see him. So there. [Update: 9pm and haven’t heard from him. And I’m embarrassed that I care, but I do. I deserve better.] [Update 2: 10pm and he’d love to. Happy again.]

J2 is getting annoying again. He’s in a better mood, worked out some of his shit, re-enrolled in college, figuring out the work stuff. Happy for him but kind of over this whole thing now.

Tex is still sweet but starting to act like I’m the girlfriend. Check please! If he figures out the sailboat thing, I’ll decide if I want to go, but I still love NYC and I’m probably not going anywhere.

J. only wants me for threesomes. yawn.

I think I’m going to break up with all of them before I go to Italy, clear the slate, come home and find a real boyfriend. And a real job.

Escaped to the country for the long weekend, came back Sunday to see J2 but he cancelled. Monday I ended up hosting Sex Den III with J and the girl. Boy, is he in trouble. She is so hung up on him. Sex was better, but not worth it. She took some really hot pics of me fucking him – I looked over her shoulder editing the next morning, no identifiable me so no worries. She forgot her phone and came back, so she showered here and I made breakfast. Boy is she hung up on him. I really don’t think I can participate in this.

Saw J2 on Tuesday, he was in a terrible mood all evening and over dinner. We came back and had sex, good but not great, first time I didn’t come – didn’t even try. He slept poorly, got up early and dressed, left early. First time no morning sex, first time he left without insisting on making plans to see me again. I texted him tonight to see if he was okay, no reply.

G. still texts every few days but it’s been, what, two months since I’ve seen him?

Which leaves Tex, who’s out of town, and the beautiful boy.

Maybe it’s time to clear the slate and start over?