Jan 5

Tuesday he texts and calls me all day at work. We talk about how hard it is to communicate when we don’t know each other very well, he reiterates how much he wants to be with me — but he again won’t make plans to see me, puts me off again, promises he’ll come by between his shifts Weds (he’s working a double on his first day back, which sounds like a really bad idea). He sends me pics of the blood in the hallway; there is rather a lot of it. I make plans to see a friend so I don’t sit around and wallow in this, and he gets jealous, wants to know if it’s a guy and someone I’ve been seeing. I tell him the truth, which is no, but really, if he won’t see me, how long am I supposed to pretend to be committed to this thing?

I texted him late evening, no answer. I texted him this morning, no answer until almost 11. He can’t come see me today. Too bad I took the fucking day off so I could be here. I don’t tell him I did it for him but I do tell him I’m working from home. Maybe he’ll change his mind later and work something out. Maybe he won’t and I’ll keep my date with the beautiful boy tomorrow. Actually, at this point, I think I’m keeping my date either way. It’s just a matter of whether I’m admitting it to him or not.