no boyfriend

Turns out the boyfriend’s hesitancy all along is that he wants kids, and he knows I don’t, and so we love each other but can’t stay together. I don’t think he knows that I can’t have kids any more. He thinks I’m in my mid 40s. I started to correct him but then the waitress came over and then I forgot. Anyway, that’s the official story, and one we’re sticking with — no kids, no future. I do love him, and he me, but neither of us has put 100% into this because we’ve known from the beginning how it would end. At least he’s not 28.

We did have an amazing summer. In addition to the July 4th weekend, we also went upstate to a B&B, out to the Rockaways new motel, and last and most beautifully, out to Montauk last weekend. I’d never been and always wanted to go, and even though we already knew it was probably our last weekend together, he took me. We stayed at a rented condo, extravagantly expensive, right on the beach, and we had a perfect weekend. Lobster and champagne and moonrise and stars and laughter and love. I was so grateful.

I’ve never had a man treat me like, well, a girl… I’d never been taken away for the weekend, wined & dined. It was really sweet of him to give that to me.

And even though it had to come to an end — honestly, it probably would have anyway, let’s face it — at least I’ve had that experience now, and I know that’s what I want. Not the silly part of being treated like a girl, but the real part, where someone thinks I’m a nice girl and wants to treat me like a girlfriend not a lover.

It’s official: I want a boyfriend.