50

I turn 50 in 12 days. I’ve never cared about an age before, but this one has me wound up. All I have to say to myself is that I’ll be 50 and alone, and it’s hard not to cry. Why do I care? because it seems like if I’m alone now, I really might always be. And I’m not ready to face up to the idea that I might go through my entire fucking life never being in love. It just seems so unfair.