Beautiful Boy

I am more than a little in love with the beautiful boy. I do understand that there’s no future here but — like the French boy earlier — he has helped me clarify what I want. I want him, just a decade or two older. In the meantime, I’m dropping the others. Spent Saturday with J2 and not sure if he realizes it, but it was our last. I can’t do it any more. I’ll break it off with Tex, too, either actively or passively by being unavailable. G. might not even notice. Seriously, I’d rather give them all up to focus on the beautiful boy, even knowing that he might end it the moment I confess my real age. Which, by the way, I’m going to do this week before I go traveling. It’ll give him some time to figure out if he wants to continue it or not. So I might come back to zero boyfriends, and I’m okay with that. I have loved all this attention, but it’s time to focus.

I want love. I want love. I want love.