I’ve gotten a surprising amount of action in the boot-cast. Fireman stopped in twice — yeah he couldn’t care less about a cast — and slept over once. I don’t always sleep well when he’s here but I love it when he stays over, that much testosterone at rest is just amazing. We fucked twice, as usual, but then a third time (since we had time), and I guess he’d only brought two condoms, so he fucked me without one the third time. Pulled out, of course, because I think he doesn’t know I’m already post-menopause, but given what I imagine to be his active sex life, I was surprised. It was kind of great.

Kyle also came by, once for the usual quick fuck and once to hang out, have dinner, watch a movie and have sex. I have to say, Fireman may be my favorite, but for actual quality of sex, Kyle’s the best. There’s just something about the way we move together, i just kind of melt into him, it’s much more sensual than with anyone else. In spite of the fact that I think he’s made of 99% bullshit. I was fingering his ass with his cock in my mouth, and he was so open, so into it, we talked about it later, and he’d really like me to get some toys and get more assertive with fucking him. I haven’t really done that before, but I’ll give it a shot. His responsiveness arouses me, it would be worth exploring how that goes.

Boyfriend also got drunk one night last week and started drunk-sexting me. It was funny because I was at dinner with a friend and was just passing him my phone to look at something when the “I want to cum inside you” text came through. Whoopsies. I thought about putting him off but I wanted the company, so he showed up to drunk-fuck. I have to admit, I don’t really love sex with him, we really probably should stop that. But I do love his company, and the next morning we ordered in breakfast and watched a nice quiet movie and cuddled on the couch for a few hours, it was really gentle and nice.

No moral in this post, just funny they seem to come in waves. J. is talking about getting together for a ‘drink’ soon too, and new guy B. — older, musician, very sweet — wants to follow up first date with a dinner thing.  When it rains it pours…

I looked up an old friend and we had dinner and it was nice and I wanted him to see how great things were for me now and it went too well and he kissed me on the lips good night and asked me out on a date and all I wanted was for him to tell our mutual friends that I was doing well.

Bad Annie went on a second date with the chaste boy, ended up making out on his couch and then fled. Yes, I had a second date that evening with the beautiful boy, but it was more than that …. honestly, I think if he was just going to be another on the roster of lovers I don’t care about, I might have gone through with it. But he wants a girlfriend and I had a moment of thinking about that and I’m so not doing that with him. Sigh. I suck at breakups.

Spent the night with G. I wasn’t sure he’d remember our date, but he did, texted me early in the day to say how much he was looking forward to it. We had a nice date — a drink at his place, dinner at an outdoor cafe down the block, beautiful night, took a stroll along the river, back to his place…. about a bottle apiece but perhaps too much, he had trouble staying hard. Woke up with a beautiful hard-on, though, nice sex though I’m not sure he came, seemed like a mini ejaculation at best. Anyway, very sweet to see him, and I do love the feel of that giant cock in my hand (and my yoni). But…. he’s older and privileged and walks through the world like a master of the universe. I find that a little attractive, but not as much as many do. Even here, alas, I feel we may be winding down. The beautiful boy may not have a future, but he’s ruining me for other men.

yep. for those of you counting, that’s 3 dates already lined up for this week. ballet on weds, so it’s a full week already.

Beautiful boy emailed to make plans for later this week. Guess he doesn’t scare that easily.

Tex and I met in, well, Texas, through our mutual friend C., though he lives here, partly in Brooklyn at his music studio and part out at Montauk. Had an “is this a date or not” date a couple of weeks ago. Followed up with a second and in case there was any doubt, got a big kiss upon arrival. Ok then. Hung out at the bar, ate my 7th, 8th and 9th oysters of my life (not as good as the first ones though), drank bourbon, went back to the studio to walk his dog. Nice sex, I had drank too much for an orgasm, but nice nevertheless. Surprised me by fucking me without a condom, though. I am normally 100% safe but I didn’t object, didn’t even ask about it. I’m sure that’s why I feel odd about the whole thing now. Well, that plus: this isn’t just a sexual relationship. This is a man who wants more and is probably not going to be okay with me fucking half of NYC.

I told J2 I had to go upstate and so I did — not because I had to but because I wanted to make the lie true. Yes, I’m over him. And… I feel a little bit like I’m cheating on G. when I see him. Even though G. and I are not to the point where that’s even a discussion, wtf. Though G. did text and ask for my address on Friday and so I’m pretty sure he’s sending something for Valentine’s and I’ve no idea what I think of that. I’m thrilled because I’ve never actually been dating someone on a Valentine’s Day who wanted to do that, and it seems kind of great to have my frist experience with that. But I”m terrified that it’ll be superficial and he’s sending six of them and I’m only one and it’ll take away from the meaning of it…. which of course he can’t even know. so wtf again.

and I’m reminded of KZ and breaking up with him because I was convinced I was one of the girls he had in every port. Was I right? wrong? how will I ever know?

Self-pity sucks and I’m trying really hard to indulge in it briefly now so I can put on a brave face later.

I think I need to stop dating all of these fuckers and try to find someone I actually want to be with. Sex is better than no sex, but it’s apparently also not only what I want at 46. Who knew I’d turn out to be such a fucking girl.

some time has passed, gentle reader, and now it’s time to play catch up. I may not have a chance to put these posts into proper order, so apologies in advance for any inconsistencies in time sequencing.

well I did see the beautiful boy e. that week, and it was lovely. for the second time, he walks in and I’m naked before we leave the hallway. my kitchen counter, again put to good use. much fucking and sucking and loving. he held me all night. it’s such a happy and loving thing.

and i’m still seeing g., most recently the other night. it’s been stormy in nyc, my friends, and it was the day after an ice storm. we were going to go out to a show, then we reduced it to just dinner, but by the time I got to his place and we drank some wine, the next thing I know we were naked and dinner plans had been forgone. We had really nice, more passionate sex than usual, then he lent me a bathrobe and cooked me dinner and we drank more wine, then had more sex and went to sleep. Morning sex, though I had to initiate it, and then my usual dash out home to get ready to work. When I’m not with him, I fantasize about this being something more, but when I’m with him, I realize that this occasional fuck is all I need, want, and am getting.

oh, and i’m seeing a new J. now. J2 is a regular guy — he works at a media company, lives in queens with his brother, went to college but seems more self-educated, reads a lot, knows a lot, and simply loves having sex with me. we met online and had a chaste first date, but I quickly put an end to that on the 2nd date. We walked home nearly 4 miles and then fucked until we ran out of condoms. He likes sex, and he likes me, and he’s not looking for a girlfriend, and although neither of us is opposed to this turning into a relationship if it happens to go there, neither of us is confusing the sex with emotion. It’s some kind of awesome. And, maybe I forgot to mention this, but I came with him, the first time and always. He’s really good at cunnilingus, and really good at using the real name for things. He thinks my labia is soft. He noticed what I liked the first time and put it to good use the subsequent times. We were going to see each other again this coming weekend but couldn’t wait — saw him Wednesday.

So, yes, not that I’m counting, but between Tues with G. and Weds with J2, I had sex 6 times in 24 hr hours. I’m a happy girl.

I went by the wineshop for the express purpose of running into E. I have to say, after years with ex-boy being ashamed of me in public, especially his family, it is so nice to have a boy light up when I walk in and give me a giant hug. Truly. He apologized, saying he’d hoped to get together this weekend, but he’s been sick. Bonus, though, made a date for next weekend. Now that’ll help me get over my little tourist! And E. has a big heart, this may not be love but it is warm and genuine and won’t feel like just trashy sex. Bad Annie’s a happy girl again.