Did I mention that ex-boy is moving back? probably in June. I seriously need to be having regular sex with someone else by then. Preferably someone I can drag out to the occasional party where there are mutual friends.

He was in town this week to see family and start sorting out move plans. Almost didn’t see him — we had made plans for dinner Weds that he cancelled on Tues, and I was supposed to be away for the weekend. My plans changed and I relented, we had dinner Fri. Didn’t fight, didn’t cry after, honestly, didn’t really care. I think that now that I don’t want to have sex with him any more, the rest of it doesn’t really matter. I am relieved.

i don’t hear from b-boy for, like, weeks on end. i’m in the sloughs of despond over ex-boy and i can’t even get laid.

where did we leave off? ex-boy arrives, fucks me, then tells me about the new girl he’s dating. wtf. not that i wouldn’t have fucked him anyway, i probably would have, but it should have been my choice. i spend the entire long weekend miserable. he’s fine in the morning until the west coast wakes up, then he’s insufferable until bedtime, when he wants to have sex again. fml.

somewhere during or after that weekend i realized it’s long past time to end this. maybe everyone else on earth already knew that, but really, my feelings only need to get hurt a couple of dozen times before I sort that out.

and i spend the next few weeks completely miserable. do we really need to hear about that?

not that i’m not fine with ex-boy dating. i am. but he’s been here a couple of hours, he’s going to completely disrupt my life & schedule, and all he can talk about is the new girl he’s about to start dating. they haven’t even dated yet. fml.

blood. and i wanted this why?

it’s entirely possible. since this blog now seems to be entirely focused on my getting laid, well, I saw him again last night. he needs a name here. booty boy? i do only see him late night when he’s horny and i’m bored.

so…. three times now, only the first one any good, and here’s the thing. he still hasn’t fucked me. i mean, sex is sex and all that, but no actual intercourse. and i like intercourse. i even asked him the second time but didn’t think that much of it it when he chose another option. now, though, it’s starting to seem a little weird.

i’ll see if he’s free next week when i have some time and don’t need to be up early, maybe invite him out toy shopping, that ought to open up the conversation.

is it possible that I will never get properly laid again?

it makes it so difficult to run errands afterwards

oh I did get the late-night booty call again and was bored enough to accept. but I think that’s gotta be it – second time not as good, and yeah, I really don’t actually like you. I tried to get in touch again a week later and first you ignored me, then you texted at 2 a.m. and didn’t even bother to come fuck me. so fuck you.

not even my type, but what can i say? he was there and he made his interest clear right away. probably an asshole and not particularly attractive to me, but he does know how to touch. i like that firm touch, someone who knows what they want. he was way more attentive than i’ve had recently. i even had an orgasm – and i almost never do that on a first date. (this is not the place to discuss badannie’s trust issues, dear reader, we’re going to gloss right over that.)

how it started: his fingers were salty from the food and he offered them to me (remember this is about 30 minutes after we’d met!). i declined but he said, you have to admit it was a romantic gesture. i said yes but it really was just that i didn’t want the salt. so he brushes off the salt, dips his finger in the olive oil and offers me that instead. wow. ballsy. and what did badannie do? i took that finger right in my mouth and licked it. guess that pretty much set the stage.

he and m. went off to another party and i admit i spent a good part of the rest of the day thinking about that finger and what it could do.

later: late night visit, making out with a giant thunderstorm in the background. sex, sleep, sex again very early in the morning. and yep, couldn’t stop myself from starting up a third again later. earlier in the evening i had paid him $4 to take his clothes off – joking, of course, but i made him keep it the next day so he could be my man whore.

did m. set this up as a pity fuck? who cares. i liked it and i needed it. badannie doesn’t want him as a boyfriend but i wouldn’t mind another roll or two before we go on our way.