it’s been a minute. Sorry. I, ummm, moved – to Europe. Not saying where cause even though this is an anonymous blog I do try to keep out PII.

So anyway, here I am, a year and a half later. Still seeing FF2 when I visit NYC. Threesome’d it up with him and the gf last time. I was worried it would be weird but, hey, I like 3-ways and this was just as great as any other. They were both surprisingly nervous but I played MC and facilitiator (“We’re all grownups here and if you are uncomfortable, or want something, or don’t want something: speak up. It’s all ok as long as we communicate.”)

Anyhoo, I came back to write about more dreams. Sorry, I know you are here for the sex and depression, but today I want to talk about recurring dreams.

My subconscious’ favorite stress dream involves travel. Which is ironic, because I travel a lot, and I like traveling, and I rarely stress around actual travel. But in dreams? I’m late, I can’t find the gate, I’m on a bus headed in the wrong direction, I won’t make my connection, I’m on a bus but forgot my ticket and have to turn around, I have the wrong ticket, it’s the wrong day, I’VE LOST MY MOM whom I’m supposed to be care-taking, I’m on a plane that has to land or take off by DRIVING ON A HIGHWAY this one happens a lot, no idea why.

Had one last night of the bus/ticket/late variety and seriously, I just don’t know why. Thanks subconscious.

It’s getting dark earlier and earlier here in northern Europe. I’m still single and now I live alone in a relatively unfriendly foreign country and this will be my second winter here by myself.

Maybe I should try dating girls.

All that said, FF1 is still my favorite. I love sex with him, and I’m truly fond of him.

Did I mention that FF2 has a magic penis? I mean, I’ve had my share of dick, but I didn’t believe similar reports before: a dick’s a dick, right? but now that I’ve experienced it…

It’s sometimes a little painful – I don’t know if it’s size or shape, but it hits something inside me that’s sensitive. If it hits just right, it’s amazing. If it hits slightly wrong, it can hurt. We’ve had some fun figuring out positions. Good thing he’s been doing Pilates.

And then there were two. I know, it seems like a bad idea, right? at the same time it sounds like a really good idea, right? Right.

#2 is totally different than the favorite #1, but he’s more accessible, in spite of most likely probably married (says he’s separated, whatever). But super fun as well.

Wish me luck, dear reader.

Boy: I’m getting divorced. Can I come over for sympathy sex?

Me: Will you bring your dog?

Boy:

Me: No, seriously.

Sexually, he’s attentive and highly skilled. He cares about my pleasure. He takes his own, easily and without fuss or challenge. His body is close to physically perfect. I love the sight of him. I find it hard to sleep next to him. He’s always polite, never assuming. He always wears a condom (except that once, when he was really, really drunk). He’s funny, and he tells me stories. I enjoy his company. We want nothing more from each other than the pleasant company we keep.

Summer’s over and G. called up for a dinner date, the son now safely ensconced up at university. Dinner, a drink back at his place, stayed over as usual but he didn’t fuck me. I sucked him for a while, and he liked it but didn’t come, and he barely fondled me. He did, however, bring me a gift from Paris, and invite me up to his country place. I think he’s just getting older. Not sure how I feel about this change – it’s not like I like him so much that a sex-less relationship is going to cut it.

whew, it had been a few weeks and I was getting worried that turning fifty meant I wasn’t going to get laid any more. But thankfully Mr. Fireman has just been busy and he swung by for a quickie on his way home from Queens. I am indeed geographically desirable…  I was just out of the bath when he texted, all warm and soft and clean. love that man, love that body.

Gentle reader, it’s been a while, and I don’t know why. I am always better off when I share. Here’s the latest – dates with parents and children:

G. rang me up recently and had me join him for dinner with his son. We had a nice evening, went home separately. I couldn’t tell if it was a grownup “here’s how to be a man in the city” educational date for the kid, or an audition to see which of the women the kid likes. Maybe both? Maybe neither? All okay and pleasant nevertheless. I have seen him I think once since that last post, sushi again, way too many cocktails, heroic blowjob (he really is massive), uncomfortable sleepover and a giant hangover. Just saying, hanging out with the kid and going home wasn’t so bad.

Still hanging out with the boyfriend, though I’m 99% over having sex with him. Maybe we really can be friends. His parents were in town this week, and it’s his birthday today, so he had a group dinner thing and invited me. I spent most of the evening talking with his mom, whose company I really liked. She’s an artist and we chatted about her latest project and sipped wine, and it was nice.

Fireman’s still my #1 fave, he’s been working shifts downtown so I get to see him more often again. I’ve no idea how long I’ll be able to keep this up but I’m in for the full ride as long as it lasts.

No newbies on the horizon. I should probably work on that. Re-reading the above, all I’ve really got going on is Fireman, and that is too sporadic to sustain me. I’ve been daydreaming about having him move in, or needing some paperwork technicality to get married, something that makes this important or official or whatever. I should be careful with that.

Oh and I’m a tiny bit obsessed with this beautiful 27 yr old Puerto Rican man I volunteer with. I want to find a beautiful girl for him and be godmother to their babies. Okay, I really just want to fuck him, but since that’s bordering on creepy, maybe I should find out if he has an uncle or something.

So in truth, dear reader, this update simply means nothing at all has changed.

I’ve been seeing Mr. Firefighter a little more often than usual, which of course makes me happy. Up until now, our relationship has been very straightforward, almost transactional. For two years, since the day I met him, I’d never even seen him outside my apartment. He arrives, we have a great time, he stays over or doesn’t, thanks.

But then once or twice recently he texted ahead of time, actually made arrangements in advance to stay over. Okay, that was cool. and then, a week or so ago, he got to the neighborhood before I did and went down to the corner bar to have a drink. When I got here, he sent a couple flirty texts and then offered to have me come meet him there. What? well, okay, I put my panties on and hopped on down there. We had a couple of beers, talked, and then came home and fucked. It was almost like… a date. It was nice.

And he texted me merry christmas.

Maybe nothing’s changed, maybe this is just an acknowledgement that we’re grownups and we like each other’s company in addition to fucking. But yeah, I like it.