I sort of have a boyfriend. We agreed we’d keep things casual but I don’t know what that means. He’s not seeing anyone else and i haven’t since this started. Well, okay, the fireman once, but that was early on. We went away together for the July 4th weekend, we go on actual dates, and we’re also okay running into each other and not going home together. He’s also a local at my bar (open again! yay!), which both of us swore we’d never do, but here we are. Still seeing each other. He’s only 35, which makes me nervous, and I don’t know if he knows how old I am. It’s now been long enough I don’t want to bring it up, but what if he doesn’t and it’s weird? My birthday is coming up soon so I guess it’ll come up then.

G. got in touch last week after months of no contact. I asked the girls at the hair salon about dating other people. Amanda said I should do what makes me happy which is, of course, the only answer.

We hadn’t communicated well the past few days, so I agreed to G.’s date, but I’m going to cancel. Last night I went over to the boyfriend’s place and we had amazing, caring, beautiful sex. Napped and then fucked again. He didn’t sleep well, got up eventually and went to the couch. I felt a bit bereft and ended up leaving early, around 6, to come home. Nevertheless, it was a lovely night, and I don’t think I want to see G. tonight. I’m going to lie and put it off, defer a decision instead of making one. It’s cowardly but I want to keep my options open.

Tex and I met in, well, Texas, through our mutual friend C., though he lives here, partly in Brooklyn at his music studio and part out at Montauk. Had an “is this a date or not” date a couple of weeks ago. Followed up with a second and in case there was any doubt, got a big kiss upon arrival. Ok then. Hung out at the bar, ate my 7th, 8th and 9th oysters of my life (not as good as the first ones though), drank bourbon, went back to the studio to walk his dog. Nice sex, I had drank too much for an orgasm, but nice nevertheless. Surprised me by fucking me without a condom, though. I am normally 100% safe but I didn’t object, didn’t even ask about it. I’m sure that’s why I feel odd about the whole thing now. Well, that plus: this isn’t just a sexual relationship. This is a man who wants more and is probably not going to be okay with me fucking half of NYC.

I didn’t hear from the French boy-child for several days, thought he was somehow angry or distracted by a young girl, but it turns out he was just having phone problems. He leaves on Wednesday but has made plans with me for dinner on Tuesday. I’m touched he wants to spend his last night in NYC with me. Sweet boy.